How to Stop Attracting Toxic Relationships

Many people find they keep attracting toxic relationships.  But why, and how can they change this pattern?  Understanding that life reflects back at us that which is within us is key to beginning to put a stop to attracting toxic relationships.  


The Origins of Toxic Relationships

So where have all these toxic relationships started?

Having previously experienced a physically and emotionally toxic relationship myself,  I can empathise with anyone who is still going through this.  Life can often be unbearable.  I wish I had known then what I know now about healing that part of me which attracted that person in the first place.

The origins of most people’s need to attract toxic relationships begin in early childhood.  It comes from a place of trauma, rejection, abandonment, humiliation, betrayal or injustice.  The seed of toxicity may have been sown further back due to an overpowering ancestral trauma.  This repeats through generations until it is finally healed.

If you are suffering from toxic relationships, it is highly likely that your ancestors did too.  If you have children or plan to have children, it is important that you address and put an end to these self-sabotaging programs.  This will stop the repeated cycle playing out in your children.  My blog Two Steps to Healing is recommended reading.

Although you cannot change the past, by working on the deep, painful feelings, you can change your future.  A return of your true Authentic Self can take place.  As opposed to living feelings, beliefs, and fears of your previous generations.


Our Parents Toxicity Impacts Us

What you may also be unaware of is how you can be affected at the time of your conception.  It can be evident if there was any reluctance, resistance, or ill feelings such as fear or aggression by one parent at that time.

A parents’ toxic relationship can even be felt by the fetus, during pregnancy, and at birth.  This creates a challenging future for the child.  And the traumatic pattern will most likely be repeated throughout childhood and into adulthood.

Just imagine a vulnerable child coming into the world with not only his or her feelings but the parents’ negative feelings.  It is similar to a virus in a computer and will replay in the life of the child until it is pulled out from the root.

Much of our vulnerability relates to feeling unsafe and unprotected.  This usually leads back to the absence of a positive father figure (it can relate to any male who had a big influence in your early years).  It is often compounded by abuse from the father or other male authority figures.

Rightly or wrongly, we may have perceived that we were unworthy to be loved, nurtured or even, were an unwanted child.  We may not have bonded with the mother at birth, or there may have been some separation from the mother in early childhood due to illness.



The Impact of Inherited Toxic Programs in Our Life

The result may be a belief of deserving a destructive life.  This may start as bullying at school by fellow pupils or teachers and may progress later in life into the workplace and relationships.

The ‘need to please’ is created to keep everyone happy in order to make life easier.  Often beginning when parents separate or divorce.  Unfortunately, it does not work that way.  It draws partners, even narcissistic partners, who take advantage of the situation.  When one relationship ends, the configuration usually repeats itself.

The End Result is Living a ‘Victim’ Program

A toxic relationship can be so overpowering that the adrenals become depleted, leaving no resistance and an inability to defend oneself.

According to Louise L. Hay, in her book ” Heal Your Body”, the feelings behind adrenal exhaustion relate to defeatism, no longer caring for oneself, anxiety, blaming others, as well as ‘being a victim’.

When we learn to love, approve of ourselves and know that it is safe to care for ourselves, we can claim back our power and create our own reality.

Having endured a previous toxic marriage, I took steps to ensure I never attracted another.  I worked on clearing the hidden emotional need which I had within myself that had previously attracted that type of partner.  In doing so, I then attracted healthy relationships.

Using this knowledge, I have been able to help many others move through and beyond toxic relationships.  If you are reading this, and find yourself suffering the consequences of a toxic relationship, be it with a friend, family member, partner, or work colleague, then please allow me to help you.

You DO NOT need to endure this pattern of victimisation anymore.


End The Toxic Relationships in Your Life 

Usually, around three appointments are all that is required to weed out the sabotaging programs that are causing you to attract toxic relationships.  You won’t need to relate all your painful experiences to me.

How I work is by dowsing your energetic system and communicating with your Higher Self.  Often there can be emotions buried and hidden within, perhaps from very early childhood, that you may not have even been aware of.  It is only by addressing these that true healing can take place.  The result can often be very quick and often transformational.  You may look back at your former self and wish you had worked with me long ago.


I share more information on my YouTube video.

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My work as a Soul Whisperer is to help communicate with the soul’s needs.  After more than 30 years as a therapist, I have devised my own unique and efficient ways of achieving this.  Tony Mills, Soul Whisperer.


Soul Whisperer Tony Mills

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Read my previous blog about the Emotions that Cause Insomnia.

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